Straight from the “You Can’t Make This Stuff Up” department, a Hooksett, N.H. woman was arrested Monday night after police took a call on a domestic disturbance. 43-year-old Lynn Sweeney had assaulted her husband – but the way she did it is where things get weird.
According to a press release from Hooksett police, Sweeney had been drinking (often how these things start) and began arguing with the victim about moving out of the house. After the victim refused to leave, she “threw a bag of Dorito’s down the victim’s shirt and hit the victim in the head.”
Alright, so she didn’t exactly stab the victim with a stale Dorito or choke the victim out with the bag or anything like that, but clearly the assault couldn’t have happened without the chips. Just picture being the victim here…You’re jumping back thinking “You’re making a mess!” then all of a sudden BAM! Slugged in the face.
But what exactly did Sweeney do with the Doritos here? The phrase “threw a bag” is pretty vague. Did she dump the chips out of the bag down the shirt? Did she just stuff the bag itself down? Either way it had to be a pretty effective distraction technique for her right hook to the head.
The victim fortunately wasn’t hurt badly, but it could take days to wash off the smell. Have you ever heard of a more WTF weapon than a bag of chips though?
(AP Photo/Felipe Dana)
…Seems legit.
Authorities charged Sweeney with simple assault and she was booked and released on $1,500 recognizance bail. And of course, the mugshot:
Courtesy Hooksett Police Dept.
Now if that pic doesn’t scream “Dorito-wielding maniac” then nothing does!
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